Life

Dear Daddy

21 Abril, 2020

I wanna say that I miss you, but kinda think you already know that. Yesterday I was looking at the pool and remenbered the last time we were together. Do you remenber? I had just arrived from work, it was nearly midgnight, and you turn on the backyard lights to show me the miracle you managed to create with the water, that had been green all summer. It was September 28, and I was so tired. But we stand there watching the water and I remenber you feelt so proud of youself. You hug me. That was the last time I saw you. God, I wish you that night would last forever. I need your hug so baddly.

I guess I just wrote you this letter to tell you I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for not being brave enought right know, I’m sorry for not being happy. I’m sorry for the bad choices and all the stupid mistakes. I’m sorry for being a fool and not follow what you told me. I’m sorry for not being a good girl. I’m sorry for breaking the promises. I’m sorry for right now just wanting to go to you. Don’t even know what i’m still here for. I fucked everything up Daddy. Sorry about that too. I can’t stop crying Daddy. Sorry about that too.

You taught me so much while you here, and after you are gonne I just forgot about everything and became this person that I don’t like anymore. I’m scared Daddy. I’m scared there’s nothing else out here for me, because I screw up everything. I’m starting to be so tired of livind Daddy. I’m so tired of everything now. I just wanna go to sleep and dream with you, but instead I just have nighmares about my real life. Again, I’m really sorry Daddy. You always told me “Learn something from my mistakes”. I’m sorry I didn’t.

Nowadays, i’m feeling so lonely, that I can’t even feel your presence around here. Not even when i’m near your stuff. I’m sorry that I haven’t grew up and I’m sorry for not making you proud. At least I found the courage to change my job when I wasn’t learning anything else from it, just like you said. I wanna think that, at least that was one decision of mine that made you happy wherever you are. I lost everything Daddy. Every single thing that you told me to not lose, that you told me to treat better, that you told me to love with all I got. I’m sorry Daddy. I’ve failed again.

I was once, the perfect little girl, your perfect little girl, so maybe when I finally see you again, that’s what I will be. And maybe then I can grow up next to you and be brave again.

I love you Daddy.

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